2011 was a rough year for me.
I was laid off from a job in early January with the promise that I would be called back by the end of February. That never happened, and I spent a full 5 months being unemployed, struggling to keep the lights and phone turned on so I could look for work as I slipped further and further behind on everything.
Just when things were looking hopeless, only a few weeks before my unemployment would have run out, I got a call from the temp agency I had worked with in 2010. A publishing company needed a sales assistant. Was I up for it? Goodness, yes.
I didn’t think I was going to get the job when I walked out of the interview that day in late spring. I had no college degree; I had no experience in the industry; I had been out of work for months; I was a good 5 years older and a great deal shabbier in my 3-year-old suit than the girl who had the interview after me. I’m not young and naive enough to think that being smart and personable is enough to get my foot in the door.
So I was surprised when I got the call a couple days later telling me I had gotten the position. I had full-time employment through August at a company in an industry I would love to work in.
I loved it. I worked with people who were smart and interesting. I dealt with books all day every day. The salespeople I supported appreciated me and the work that I did. I was able to make a tiny bit of headway in getting caught up financially, which was imperative given that the nature of temp work is that, well, it’s temporary.
August was nerve-wracking. I still hadn’t found permanent employment, and the end of my temp contract was quickly approaching. Then, my boss told me about another temp position in the company, this time in ad sales. I jumped on it.
I struggle with anxiety and depression occasionally in the best of times, and I frankly don’t think I could have dealt with another bout of unemployment. I don’t even like to think of what would have happened if I hadn’t had this stroke of luck.
Things have still been hard, both financially and emotionally. There have been a few times that I haven’t been sure that I could keep going, and many times that I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep going. There’s good news, though!
My temp contract ended yesterday, but I’ve got an offer to stay on permanently in ad sales. I’ll be filling out paperwork on Tuesday, and I’m hoping to be settled in completely by the end of next week or so.
This is the first time in my adult life that I’ve ever been on what I would call a career trajectory. It’s the first time in over three years that I have been fully employed at a job that will comfortably support me and my family. It’s the first time in I don’t even know how long that I’ve been able to start a new year off with hope.
And I am hopeful. I’m grateful that 2011 is over, finally, and I’m more than ready to put it behind me. Mostly, though, I am hopeful for 2012, at least on a personal level.
Between dealing with crushing poverty and my often crippling depression, I’ve put off doing a lot of things that I want to do for far too long, and I plan for 2012 to be the year that I get back on track and get my shit together. In making my New Year’s resolutions, though, I’m trying to be realistic. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
- Write something every day, even if it’s just a line or two. My goal is one blog post per day, even if it’s just something short. If things go well, I’d like to give NaNoWriMo an honest try, too.
- Read 12 books that I’ve never read before. I’m taking suggestions for this one. I like 19th century English literature, high fantasy, hard sci-fi, science, economics, feminism, and politics, but the goal is to expand my horizons.
- Eat more vegetables. Seriously. I hate vegetables mostly, but I want to eat less meat and fewer carbohydrates. My goal, I think, is going to be one new vegetable dish per week as soon as I get caught up on all my bills and have the money to experiment.
- Walk for at least 30 minutes each day. This is another thing that will have to wait a little while, because I’ll have to get a decent pair of shoes when I have the money, but it’s on my list of things I need to do to live a bit healthier lifestyle. Working in offices the last couple of years coupled with depression and feelings-eating has caused me to be in pretty poor shape, and I want to change that.
I have no illusions that this is going to be a perfect year. I expect that I will continue to struggle with depression and anxiety. I’m worried about how my tendency to be a workaholic is going to affect my relationship and my family as I transition into this job. I’m probably not going to quit smoking, which is why I didn’t even put it on my list of resolutions this year–who am I kidding? I am concerned about the next year in politics and the upcoming elections. I’m not sure that my car is going to make it another year. And so on.
I survived 2011.
Here’s to surviving 2012, but with a bit more panache.
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Tags: anxiety and depression, goals, life, New Year, personal, resolutions
I ended up here somehow. Not even sure from where, most likely trough a link from some page discussing feminism and/or atheism, both of which I’m a fan of.
2011, like the previous few years where rough for so many. For me it’s been a case of watching from the outside, (the unemployment situation in Norway, to put it bluntly, isn’t.) but it’s been agonizing nevertheless.
I’ve got friends in odd places like Iran, Tunisia, Ohio and Germany, and it’s been pretty rough all over. Watching the storm from the warm and cosy inside might perhaps have some appeal, in the same way watching a slow-motion trainwreck can be fascinating. But the appeal and fascination evaporates very quickly when you’ve got friends and loved ones who are in the middle of it.
I’ve read quite a few of your blog-posts, and thus feel that I know a little bit about you – atleast those parts of you that you choose to present in your blog. That you’re happier with no bra, that you grew up priviledged and unaware, that you figured orgasms out before you became 72, that you’ve got a daugther, that you read awesome books, and that your list of favourite quotes could just as well be my list.
I grew up like you, priviledged and unaware. I remain to this day priviledged, infact I come embarassingly close to the definition of priviledge – check it out: white, male, heterosexual, able-bodied, educated, married, upper-middle-class, norwegian. But I’m no longer unaware.
The turning-point for me was getting *friends* from other cultures. I don’t use the term friend in the Facebook-sense of “someone I’m vaguely aware of existing”, but in the sense of people I love and care deeply about. It was a shock.
Samaneh from Iran wept bitter tears when her conservative parents made her return the guitar she’d bought for herself since they considered guitar-playing unsuitable for a girl – and I wept with her and was changed forever.
Anyways, I babble. I tend to, sometimes.
Nice to meet you !